---

I propose to treat of friendship, which is one of the noblest and, if I might use such an expression, the most elegant relation of which human nature is capable. It tends unspeakably to the improvement of the mind, and the pleasures which result from it are most sincere and delightful. It is an observation of the best writers that friendship cannot subsist but between persons of real worth, for friendship must be founded upon high esteem; but such esteem cannot be — at least it cannot be rational and lasting — where there is not true moral worth. This is the proper object of esteem, and no natural advantages will do without it. Besides, in friendship there must be a certain likeness and content of soul, a content in the great ends and views of life, and also in the principal methods and conduct of it, and this content is effectually begotten and secured only by true probity and goodness; this is the same in every one, and forms the mind into the same sentiments, and gives it the same views and designs in all the most important affairs of life. Good spirits, therefore, are kindred spirits, and resemble one another. But what is principally to be considered is this, that no friendship can bind a man to do an ill thing. Friendship, then, must be built upon the principles of virtue and honour; and cannot subsist otherwise. But, in truth, a bad man is not capable of being friend; there is a certain greatness of soul, a benevolence, a faithfulness, an ingenuity, necessary to friendship, which are absolutely inconsistent with a bad moral character. But though every true friend be a good man, yet every good man is not fit to be a friend. A person's character may be, in general, a good one, and yet he may want many qualities which are necessary to friendship; such as —

1. Generosity. Friendship abhors everything that is narrow and contracted.

2. To generosity must be added tenderness of affection. Jonathan loved David as his own soul. The friendly mind does, with great tenderness, enter into all the circumstances and sentiments of his companion; can be affected with all his cares and fears, his joys and sorrows. Everything is of importance to him that is so to his friend. And this tenderness of affection begets that strange but affecting harmony of souls, if I might term it so, like the cords of two musical instruments strained to the same key, where if one of them is touched any wise, the sound is communicated to the other. Where there is true friendship there must be an exquisite mutual feeling.

3. And when I have said that the affection must be tender, this is saying too that it must be undissembled. Sincerity in love is essential.

4. I add that there must be in friendship great openness and frankness of spirit; there must be communication of secrets, without reserve; unless that reserve necessarily arises from and is caused by friendship, for this sacred relation cannot bear any other.

5. But although a friend must be ingenuous and open-hearted, a man of simplicity, and whose very heart, if I might use the expression, is transparent to his friend, yet he must be discreet and prudent; capable of concealing from others what ought to be concealed; capable of managing, in anything that is committed to his care, with wisdom. Men must not be put to the blush, they must not suffer by their friends' disingenuity; unfaithfulness is the very worst thing that can happen in friendship; and, next to that, weakness and imprudence, which, though they do not speak so bad a mind, yet may be the cause of as great mischief, and make it impossible for friendship to subsist.

6. Again, it is necessary to the character of a friend that he should be of a constant temper, directed by reason, and acting unchangeably according to its direction. A true friend is always the same; that is, his sentiments and conduct never change but when there is reason for it.

7. But there is one particular in which the firmness of a friendly mind is as much tried as in any other, and that is in resisting any solicitation to do a thing that may be in itself bad or indiscreet, or hurtful to him that desires it. What is right and fit must always be our rule, and we ought to observe it inviolably, not only because the obligation to this is superior to all the obligations of friendship, but also from principles of kindness and benevolence. Next to the firmness that ought to be maintained in denying what is hurtful, there ought to be a resolution in animadverting upon faults. This is the most friendly and useful office imaginable, and an office to which an affectionate mind does with difficulty bring itself. To admonish and rebuke is to put one to great pain, and whatever gives pain to a friend is gone about with reluctance and aversion: yet there is no true faithfulness when this is not done; and it is one of the noblest ends of friendship. Nor can anything give more satisfaction to an ingenuous mind than to be thus intimately related to one who, he knows, will use faithful freedom with him, and prudently animadvert upon all his weaknesses. But though strict virtue is necessary as the foundation of true friendship, and great freedom ought to be used in animadverting upon faults, yet intimate friendship does not bear any rigid severity, any haughty stiffness of manners. It expects sweetness, and gentleness, and condescendency, so far as innocence and virtue will allow.

8. Again, friendship abhors all jealousy — a disposition to be suspicious, where there is no just cause given. The temper of one that is fit to be a friend is frank and open; conscious of no ungenerous cunning in itself, it does not suspect it in others. And if any circumstance appears less favourable than one would desire, yet it puts the most candid interpretation upon it that may be; and will not entertain a bad opinion of a friend, nor break with him, without manifest proof of his doing what renders him unworthy that relation.

9. Lastly, there can be no fast friendship where there is not a disposition to bear with unavoidable infirmities and to forgive faults. There may be infirmities and culpable defects in characters which in general are good and worthy, and very capable of intimate and fast friendship; yet this cannot be without that generosity which overlooks little infirmities, and can fix upon excellent and amicable qualities (though blended with the others) as the objects of its esteem and friendship. This generosity we ought by all means to cultivate in ourselves, considering how much we need it in others, and how much we expect it. Seeing, then, that so many shining qualities are necessary to make a perfect friend, they must be very few who are perfectly qualified for that relation, and men should be very cautious in their choice — careful not to run into intimacies all of a sudden, intimacies fit to be used only in the highest friendship; not to run into them, I say, with persons who are not capable of friendship at all. As there cannot be too great caution in choosing an intimate friend, so there cannot be too great firmness in cleaving to him when well chosen. Providence gives nothing in mortal life more valuable than such a friend, and happy they who enjoy this blessing! But, to conclude the whole, let it be ever remembered that true friendship, this glorious union of spirits, is founded in virtue; in virtue, I say, in that only. It is this that begets a likeness in the most important dispositions, sentiments, business, and designs of life; it is this in which the attracting and cementing power consists, which we admire for its own sake, and love for itself; it is this only that will make friendships firm, and constant, and reputable; it is this only that will make present friendship truly gainful, and the remembrance of past intimacies pleasing. And as virtue must lie at the foundation of friendship, so all friendship ought to be considered and improved as a means of confirming and exalting our virtue.

(Jas. Duchal, D. D.)

---

---

KJV: A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

WEB: A man of many companions may be ruined, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.